What's the worst part of insecurity and anxiety? To me it's the sense of going through it alone. We feel like we are the only one going through a situation, no one can help us, no one is like us, and frankly we just feel out of place in the world. Insecurities can be downright crippling in your pursuit to socialize, find a partner, and in your career. But why do we have insecurities? Is there really anything to be insecure about, or are we just perceiving what makes us different as negative aspects of our own being? In this article I dig deeper into the reality of insecurity and the perspective we can all use to embrace what makes us insecure.
Everyone Has An Insecurity
The worst part of any mental barrier is feeling like you are the only one going through it. We not only put our self down, but we make it worse by putting EVERY SINGLE other person on a pedestal. We separate ourselves from others through a means of mental separation. Though everyone is living their own life the best they can, we tend to mentally have a "me versus everyone else" mentality. We perceive the world to be against us, while perceiving everyone else getting along in a world you feel out of place. Contrary to our perception, everyone has their own insecurities. Insecurities, seen as rare mental barriers, are incredibly common. In fact, you could say everyone is insecure about at least one thing in their life. Don't believe me? Watch that guy who's outgoing in class be too intimidated to hit the gym. Watch the girl with a different style of clothing be too shy to make friends. Watch a that person you've had your eyes on pull back from dating, because of an inconvenience in their life (having children, being broke, etc). Watch closely and you begin to see how real and common insecurities are. So far in my life I've witnessed and experienced more insecurities than I would have ever liked to, but in doing so I have come to better understand why we seek to dwell in our own insecurities.
Insecurity Is The Realization Of Difference
For a second take a look at your insecurities. What are they? More than likely they are things that set you apart from others. They are what make you different. You and everyone else in this world is different than each and any other person. Even me and my identical twin are less alike than most would assume. What kind of world would this be without these differences? Boring, that's what! Realizing your insecurity is a merely a difference gives you the clarity that you are only worried about what makes you unique. You are literally worried about what makes you unique in a world filled with BILLIONS of people.... Seems less troublesome now, huh? Instead of worrying about what makes you different, EMBRACE IT!
Overcoming Insecurities Opens Doors
What happens when we get rid of insecurities? We are able to ask out our crush, apply for that job, ask for that promotion, meet new people, and make new friends. We realize all the opportunities we missed just from the mental barrier we created. That difference that you were so insecure about, that may just be the thing that sets you apart from others trying to attain what you are as well (a girl/boy, job, promotion, etc). Reality is, you keep yourself from achieving what you want out of life. Not that competitor, not your boss, not your friends.....YOU! And guess what? You are in luck, because you can also allow those doors of opportunity to open purely through embracing what sets you apart.
The reality of your insecurity is, well, it's normal. Insecurity is just worry caused by the realization that you are different. You are different, and it wouldn't be better any other way. Some day that difference may give you the edge needed to achieve what you want out of life. You will never know unless you realize that your difference is what sets you apart.
The Reality Of Self Help
Struggling through life is hard, but struggling through life while truly believing that you cannot help yourself is even harder. In an already negative world, it can feel difficult at times to build yourself up to a positive state-of-mind. Self help has became a less talked about subject due to corrupt life coaching, focusing on the past, and the idea that self help provides permanent positivity. In this article I will be covering the reality of self help and its vital importance to self improvement.
The Life-Coaching Industry Is Corrupted
Self help is probably the least talked about subject when we discuss self improvement. Boosting confidence, overcoming depression, and getting rid of anxiety are popular topics...but what do they all have in common? Self help! Though it seems like common knowledge, we still tend to deny it. Why? Because most life coaches, e-book/article writers, and those seeking a consistent following (followers, clients, or customers) want you to believe that self help is dead and overrated. Why is that? The more people believe they need others for help, the more they will pay them to fix their life. I've been a fallen victim of this myself. Having spent hours each day in the past browsing the web trying to find EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING that would promise me that I could get rid of my anxiety and depression. Luckily, yet unfortunately at that time in my life I did not have the money for these coaching services or books. I merely just had to go through life facing my own demons without guidance. The result? Saving hundreds (if not thousands of dollars), overcoming social anxiety, and using my depression as a means to overcome anxieties and learning a lot about myself (allowing me to find what truly makes me happy). Just like the act of strenuous physical activity improves mentality and character, so does the act of fighting and conquering one's own mental barriers. I would have never changed from a socially anxious hermit (was an at home gaming/anime addict) to a successful sales associate, personal trainer, who is close to attaining his Bachelor's degree in Human Performance and have had quite a few long term relationships. Nothing to write home about, but the change was within a year, was FREE, and was purely through my own self help. No book, coach, or program could give me those results.
Never Remain In The Past
The hardest part of self help is understanding that in order to help yourself you have to change yourself. You have to change your actions, your mentality, and your focus. You cannot dwell in the past. Too many times people try to improve their life to bring back the past. You've seen it before. People try to get back a relationship, job, friend, or something that was in their life that they had lost (usually lost for the better). The most common action I've witnessed is seeing individuals try and better themselves to get back a former partner. Though this could be a great idea, most of the time it wasn't them that let the relationship fail. I've noticed this in past relationships as well. You break-up, try to be better to get that person back, just to realize you weren't the one needing to become better. It took becoming better and putting yourself through the struggle of personal growth to realize it. In order to truly help oneself, you have to let go of what was and look towards what will be. You cannot focus on what you want to achieve when you are so focused on what you had lost. To help oneself we must change what we focus on, what we do, and what we want out of life. You won't be happy attaining something you were already miserable with. Now, this logic becomes invalid when the problem was purely your appreciation and value of the relationship (or whatever it is from your past you are wanting to get back). But more times than not, we are trying to become happy with something that made us miserable to begin with.
Self Help Is A Process
The biggest issue I find with self help is that life-coaches and self improvement enthusiasts promote this idea of permanent happiness. That's nice in theory, but in reality life is a roller-coaster. You will be happy at times, mad at times, and sad at others. That's life. Just like the world changes seasons, we change emotions. Welcome to being human.... where we change emotions daily, swear we don't have feelings, and allow ourselves to feel lonely in attempt to not be hurt by those we don't want to fall for. Seriously though, we are meant to change emotions. No amount of self improvement is going to change that. Actually, self improvement is about accepting and embracing it. As we change emotions, we change our perspective and should become better through each one.
Self help is recognized, yet misunderstood. You don't need to spend money to find help, rather just like it's stated, you just need to rely on yourSELF for HELP. Instead of making the mistake of focusing on the past and trying to get back what you had, try to better yourself to attain what will make you happy and better your life. Lastly, self help is a process. It is not permanent happiness nor a quick fix. Life has ups and downs. You learn to pick yourself up, because you'll surely fall down again. It's not the matter of will you fall down, rather it's about when you do fall down again, will you be able to pick yourself back up?
I get it. You know...where the old perception of group training came from. The idea that it's a class for stay at home moms, full of Pilates and endless cardio. That idea, yeah, I am here to let you know that it's outdated and dead. With the new modifications to the group training ideology came better results, a broader clientele reach (more people benefit), and a better financial option. Maybe you have looked into group training confused, are looking for a cheaper personal training option, or are just looking for generalized health improvements, this article is for you! In this article I will be discussing the benefits of group training and who would benefit most from this style of personal training.
Those still hesitant with personal training tend to be hesitant due to wondering if the benefits outweigh the cost of a trainer. Without experience with a personal trainer, it's difficult to be aware of the knowledge and guidance personal trainers can provide. A perfect start when trying to find the most cost friendly route for yourself is group training, as group training cost less than 1-on-1 personal training. Group training allows the trainer to provide you guidance, display their knowledge, and help you reach you goals. Sounds so amazing, why would group training not just replace 1-on-1 sessions? Let's take it a step further and discuss the generalize purpose of group training.
Generalize Before You Specialize
So, why wouldn't group training replace 1-on-1 personal training if it gives you the guidance, budget friendly option, and work out that you need? Because group training is generalized. It is for the masses, and with the masses comes less specialization. This means for the majority of people who have common goals such as "I want to lose weight" or "I want to be in better shape", group training is absolutely perfect! What happens when you have someone that wants to "get rid of bra fat", increase their deadlift, or train for a specific competition? This person doesn't need just generalized training (though they can benefit). They need specifics to tackle the task of improving what they specifically need/want improvement on. This is done in a 1-on-1 setting, where the trainer can specialize their training for the client. If you have no specific goals yet, then sticking to group training to improve a wide scope of attributes would be best until you find a reason to specialize.
Not All Classes Are The Same
People seem to get this perception that group training is about light weights, short rest times, and endless cardio. This could be further from the truth. Just like people's needs/wants are different, so are group training sessions. Some are designed for muscle mass (hypertrophy) and strength, some for fat burning, and some are for beginners to learn movements. Not all group training sessions are the same. If interested in group training, make sure to ask your gym or fitness instructor what types of sessions they provide. This way you can make sure to find the right group training sessions for you.
Group training has been played off as the second option, made for those who either cannot afford group training or those who do not take their progress as seriously. For a majority of individuals with generalized goals, group training is perfect. Group training itself is diverse and gyms provides different classes with a different focus per class. Group training is perfect for those looking to get into personal training or even for those who want to find a budget friendly way to get the guidance they need. Don't let stigmas distract you from a valuable option for your fitness journey guidance. Group training may just be what you need.
The world is full of concepts, items, people, places, and words that all are all "fillers" in our life. Our world has became a world full of disappointment, swayed perception of reality, and low work ethic. This is due to the world becoming full of instant gratification (and increasing daily). Day to day we seek more and more of this instant gratification, temporary satisfaction, and false perspective of happiness, that we get carried away with ourselves. Social media becomes about how many likes you get, you judge yourself and others based on clothing, you seek for more and more compliments and attention....all driven from our false perception of happiness. Life is much more than instant gratification.
Instant Gratification Results In Disappointment
Instant gratification is the biggest culprit to our unhappy society. We expect everything NOW and we expect everything to be PERFECT. We want the perfect car, perfect girl (or guy), and perfect life. We want it all, and we want any short-cut to get us their NOW. We want....no, we NEED that surge of happiness and thrill! We are so desperate for it that we find things that fill the need without even having benefit towards our happiness. Things like pornography, social media likes, video games, material items, phone notifications, and such are perfect examples of things people fill their life with for instant gratification. We have a surge of happiness during, but then came back to reality right after. We realize that after we are done, the void in our life is still there. This results in disappointment when we are back to reality.
Instant Gratification Results In False Expectations
Reality is much different than what we perceive it to be. We grow up with instant gratification and expectations towards the "real world". Think of kids you may know who grew up spoiled. Didn't their attitude towards life end up different? They expected things handed to them as they got older, right? Same can be said about aspects of our lives. Take video games, pornography, social media likes, and such into perspective. With video games you play by the rules and you grind to the top, while cheaters get banned and those that are bad at the game lose. In life this is not the case. Grinding does not promise success, "leveling up" in life is not based on experience, and there are cheaters every day that makes millions of dollars. In pornography, you get access to the hottest women of your preference and have a "no strings attached" satisfaction. In reality, relationships are not all sexual and are not always happy. Relationships have their ups and downs, as well as deals with more of an emotional connection. These are just two examples, but as you can see your instant gratification and swayed perception of life brings about false expectations.
Instant Gratification Results In Quitting
Nothing in life worth having was ever attained easily or without effort. What happens when someone is used to getting everything they want and when they want it ends up having to work hard for a long time to attain something? More than likely they do not finish the work needed to be done in order to attain what they desire. Work ethic is a huge trait needed to achieve success in your endeavors. Work ethic lowers as your ability and frequency of instant gratification increases. You get what you want when you want it and get used to that. Your work ethic starts to dwindle. When you finally have to work for something you are frustrated about the work, contemplate if you even desire the thing you wish to attain, and eventually quit. A successful relationship, career, or website all require work ethic and effort.
Instant gratification not only holds you back from your happiness and success, but also sways your perception of reality. Instant gratification results in disappointment through just being a filler for the void in your life, results in false expectations through differences in your filler and reality, and results in quitting through lack of work ethic. Instant gratification can is not just false, but also temporary. The high may feel great, but the low becomes even lower as you take a look back at reality and see that your life is still the same. What comes to you instantly, goes away just as fast. Instant gratification is never the answer, self improvement and progressing your life is.
With the immense amount of information out there, it can sometimes become difficult to believe anything you read. Not only this, but you do not know which route to go due to every different zealot, diet "cult", and enthusiast promoting that their way is the only way that works. I understand marketing and promoting what gives results, but if everyone's way is the best way to go....who's actually right? This is where we end up in a bind and try to stick to only one way of thinking. The solution is not spending time trying to find which way of thinking is best when it comes to dieting. The solution is finding and implementing three of the most important concepts to dieting. These concepts include mentality, progression, and optimization. I will discuss this further below.
The biggest aspect to dieting that I find most people have the hardest time with is their mentality towards food. I do not know when we started revolving our life around food, but that is where we are at to this day. The reason why people make dieting harder than it really is is by having a need for instant gratification. Something I noticed with many people (and myself in the past) is that people tend to use food as a reward. A buffet after a big game, candy or ice cream as a treat, even cooking a meal for your partner a a sign of gratitude. There's nothing wrong with this....but used excessively produces bad habits (and a bad relationship with food). We mentally visualize tasty foods as a reward, versus it being.....food. We treat ourselves to food when we feel we "deserve it". Simply, we look forward to food. The problem is we look forward to food more than we look forward to the actions needing to be carried out during the day. Don't believe me? How many people do you know that started a full-time job (or are extremely busy) and started to lose a lot of weight? Probably quite a few. This is because these individuals are so focused on their job and the tasks needing to be done throughout the day. They could easily binge eat when they get off work or bring food to work, but work is on their mind (and sleep when they get home). I myself do the same thing and find myself forgetting to eat when I am at work or school. On the opposite side, how many people you know (or you yourself) look forward to a "cheat meal" at the end of the week as a form of reward? Quite a few I am sure, as food rewards have gained quite a bit of popularity among those new to dieting.
The problem is not that dieting requires an immense amount of motivation and intense mental training, but rather it requires us to focus on our life and quit letting food be something we work towards. Food should be fuel to move on and continue conquering our day, not something we literally revolve our world around.
I have heard it a million times. A new company comes out with the BEST WAY TO DIET and sells your diet plans that are not only restrictive, but also extremely low in calories. People see results short term, but there's more to the picture that no one talks about. Over time more comes into play such as hormonal damage, malnutrition, and most important....misery and quitting. We make dieting harder than it really is by forgetting what ALL DIETS revolve around. You use progression in your work outs and track your weight, repetitions, and sets....why would you not use progression in your diet? Every LONG TERM SUCCESSFUL diet has the same progression. You slowly taper calories week to week, while monitoring your weight. So, instead of making your diet restrictive, make your diet work for you.
You have all heard the phrase "our body is like a machine, it runs as good as the fuel you put in it", or something similar. This holds true in every aspect, day to day, and meal to meal. We tend to take more care of what we put into our cars than ourselves. We can even take this a step further and compare what your intake to brake fluid, gasoline, oil, etc. Everything has a purpose and the car cannot run efficiently if missing ANY of these. Your nutrient intake is the exact same way. Just like stated above, we become extremely restrictive in our diets in order to try and make dieting easier for ourselves. On the contrary, we just make it more difficult. The most common example out there are low-carbohydrate diets. Too many people follow these diets blindly, without ever really getting the concept. Believe it or not, but the people who run these diets successfully actually still get their nutrient intake from enough carbohydrates. The goal is to JUST GET ENOUGH carbohydrates to provide you with the nutrients you NEED. We still have people who are trying to consume almost ZERO grams of carbohydrates a day. This can be miserably in many different ways. Energy plummits, you start lacking in fiber intake (good luck with your digestive system), and you don't get the vitamins and minerals many GOOD sources of carbohydrates provide. I mean, when did we start becoming scared of consuming fruits and vegetables?! This should be a part of your every day diet. I am not saying ditch the low carbohydrate diet and consume all the fruits and vegetables that you can consume. Rather, I am stating that enough fruits and vegetables should be a part of your diet regardless of what kind of diet you are doing. We are doing our body an injustice by not giving it the vitamins and minerals it needs. How? With working less efficiently, your body has less energy to perform (perform in the gym) and can actually burn fat in a less efficient way (metabolism and fat oxidation). So, by lacking in nutrients your body needs, you are making your weight loss journey MUCH harder. You can make your weight loss journey easier by treating it like a machine needing fuel. Give the body what it needs, and it will work for you.....not against you.
Everyone tends to make dieting harder than it really is. We focus too make on food, stay blind to the progression needed, and forget the purpose of food. In order to make dieting easier for yourself you can change your perception of food, use the basic progression needed for weight loss, and use food to work for you (not against you). Dieting is easier than we make it out to be. It is just a matter of how you approach it.