Handling The Grief Of Loss
It seems like the one absolute fact of life is the one concept we have the hardest time accepting. The cycle of life involves birth, growth, and death. We get so fixated on birth being so special, that we forget both growth and death are just as important in the cycle of life. I know loss is hard, I really do. I have had long term relationship break ups, my father has left the family telling us he didn't want us or wanted to come back, one of my close childhood friends committed suicide and I had to talk his dad down from deep depression every week, my role model in life that made me who I am today passed away from cancer, and I have had people leave my life purely on the fact that I do not have the same beliefs as them....I understand loss. Because I understand loss, I want to explain how I handle loss and how you can too.
Remember Everything That Begins Must End
I know this is a very difficult concept to grasp, but realizing that everything that begins must end can save you years of grief. How? Because we realize those we have in our life will one day leave us in some form or fashion. This rejuvenates our mind to love them with every ounce of our soul like we did when we first met them or like the best moments you had with them. We realize that we must cherish someone before their time. With loving someone as much as you possibly can, this allows us to not feel regret later on (the regret of not loving them enough). Just because something has an end does not mean it is pointless. Rather, because it has an end we must cherish, appreciate, and love with all our soul.
Face Your Feelings
You all hear of people staying busy in order to ignore and mask their feelings. I did this for years and it does not work. You will always have some time to think in a day and the feelings will always come back. Masking the feelings does nothing besides postponing the anger, sadness, and hollowness. Finding closure is hard. Learning to accept reality is hard. Facing reality is not something someone can teach you, but rather something you have to teach yourself.
Trust In God's Plan
This has got to be the most common phrase used by someone comforting another during times of grief from loss. "Everything happens for a reason and remember to trust in God's plan" is used to frequently and openly that we forget how special it really is. If you do not believe in God, then you can at least believe everything has a reason and purpose. Maybe a tragedy happened to inspire you to partake in your loved one's field of study where you excel. Maybe losing someone reminds you to treat every one you love as if they were family. Maybe even losing a loved one reminds you to live a life full of love, so one day when you pass you can leave this earth with as great of an impact on other people as the person you had lost. Whatever the reason is for that person's passing, always remember that life, growth, and death all happen for a reason.
Make Them Proud
I have talked a lot in blog posts that I have written before about never using negative motivation. I believe using hate and anger as motivation to succeed only allows you to succeed bitter. Instead, succeed with a positive purpose. Maybe the person you loved that passed had their life goal set on raising money for fundraisers. Use that as motivation to make them proud by achieving their life goal in memory of them. Maybe the person who you love that passed told you "never give up on your dreams". Use that as positive focused motivation in order to succeed in your endeavors. This will bring about a positive outcome from a loss in your life. I'm not saying it will not hurt. Rather, I am saying we can focus on making them proud. Living your life through making them proud will help you always know wherever they may be (if you believe in an afterlife or not) they will always be smiling because of you.
I know first hand when it comes to loss, it will be sad. Hell, it will be depressing. What we have to realize is that without loss is without gain. Without an end is without a beginning. And without sorrow is without happiness. We go through life and tend to forget to love each other the best of our ability, because we feel as if this will be forever. One day it will end for you and I. On that day I want to have lived a life of meaning. A life of motivation and impacting lives like the way others have impacted me. We must appreciate the time we have and accept when our time is up. No one said it will be easy, but it does not have to have a negative outcome.
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