The Reality Of Self Help
Struggling through life is hard, but struggling through life while truly believing that you cannot help yourself is even harder. In an already negative world, it can feel difficult at times to build yourself up to a positive state-of-mind. Self help has became a less talked about subject due to corrupt life coaching, focusing on the past, and the idea that self help provides permanent positivity. In this article I will be covering the reality of self help and its vital importance to self improvement.
The Life-Coaching Industry Is Corrupted
Self help is probably the least talked about subject when we discuss self improvement. Boosting confidence, overcoming depression, and getting rid of anxiety are popular topics...but what do they all have in common? Self help! Though it seems like common knowledge, we still tend to deny it. Why? Because most life coaches, e-book/article writers, and those seeking a consistent following (followers, clients, or customers) want you to believe that self help is dead and overrated. Why is that? The more people believe they need others for help, the more they will pay them to fix their life. I've been a fallen victim of this myself. Having spent hours each day in the past browsing the web trying to find EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING that would promise me that I could get rid of my anxiety and depression. Luckily, yet unfortunately at that time in my life I did not have the money for these coaching services or books. I merely just had to go through life facing my own demons without guidance. The result? Saving hundreds (if not thousands of dollars), overcoming social anxiety, and using my depression as a means to overcome anxieties and learning a lot about myself (allowing me to find what truly makes me happy). Just like the act of strenuous physical activity improves mentality and character, so does the act of fighting and conquering one's own mental barriers. I would have never changed from a socially anxious hermit (was an at home gaming/anime addict) to a successful sales associate, personal trainer, who is close to attaining his Bachelor's degree in Human Performance and have had quite a few long term relationships. Nothing to write home about, but the change was within a year, was FREE, and was purely through my own self help. No book, coach, or program could give me those results.
Never Remain In The Past
The hardest part of self help is understanding that in order to help yourself you have to change yourself. You have to change your actions, your mentality, and your focus. You cannot dwell in the past. Too many times people try to improve their life to bring back the past. You've seen it before. People try to get back a relationship, job, friend, or something that was in their life that they had lost (usually lost for the better). The most common action I've witnessed is seeing individuals try and better themselves to get back a former partner. Though this could be a great idea, most of the time it wasn't them that let the relationship fail. I've noticed this in past relationships as well. You break-up, try to be better to get that person back, just to realize you weren't the one needing to become better. It took becoming better and putting yourself through the struggle of personal growth to realize it. In order to truly help oneself, you have to let go of what was and look towards what will be. You cannot focus on what you want to achieve when you are so focused on what you had lost. To help oneself we must change what we focus on, what we do, and what we want out of life. You won't be happy attaining something you were already miserable with. Now, this logic becomes invalid when the problem was purely your appreciation and value of the relationship (or whatever it is from your past you are wanting to get back). But more times than not, we are trying to become happy with something that made us miserable to begin with.
Self Help Is A Process
The biggest issue I find with self help is that life-coaches and self improvement enthusiasts promote this idea of permanent happiness. That's nice in theory, but in reality life is a roller-coaster. You will be happy at times, mad at times, and sad at others. That's life. Just like the world changes seasons, we change emotions. Welcome to being human.... where we change emotions daily, swear we don't have feelings, and allow ourselves to feel lonely in attempt to not be hurt by those we don't want to fall for. Seriously though, we are meant to change emotions. No amount of self improvement is going to change that. Actually, self improvement is about accepting and embracing it. As we change emotions, we change our perspective and should become better through each one.
Self help is recognized, yet misunderstood. You don't need to spend money to find help, rather just like it's stated, you just need to rely on yourSELF for HELP. Instead of making the mistake of focusing on the past and trying to get back what you had, try to better yourself to attain what will make you happy and better your life. Lastly, self help is a process. It is not permanent happiness nor a quick fix. Life has ups and downs. You learn to pick yourself up, because you'll surely fall down again. It's not the matter of will you fall down, rather it's about when you do fall down again, will you be able to pick yourself back up?